Separation increasingly plays out through phones, accounts, and apps, and so does control. Using technology to monitor, track, or frighten a former partner has a name: technology-facilitated abuse. It is common, it is often worst around the time a relationship ends, and under Australian law it can be a form of family violence.
This post explains what it is, why it tends to escalate after separation, how it can matter in a family law matter, and where to get expert help. One thing it deliberately does not do is tell you how to find or remove monitoring yourself. The right and safe steps depend entirely on your situation, and acting alone can sometimes make things more dangerous. That is a job for specialists, and Australia has very good ones.
Is technology-facilitated abuse a form of family violence?
It can be. The Family Law Act 1975 defines family violence in section 4AB as behaviour that coerces or controls a family member, or makes them fearful. That definition is about the effect of the behaviour, not the tool used to carry it out. Using a tracking app, reading someone's messages, or controlling their accounts to keep tabs on them sits squarely within coercive and controlling behaviour.
The Act also lists stalking as an example of family violence, and persistent monitoring or surveillance through technology is a modern form of exactly that. Technology rarely invents a new kind of abuse; it extends and amplifies patterns of control that are already there, and it lets them continue across any distance, which is why separation does not end it.
What it can look like after separation
People are often surprised that the abuse gets worse, not better, once they leave. For someone whose behaviour is about control, separation is the moment control is slipping, and technology offers a way to hold on to it. It can show up as constant monitoring of where someone is and who they are with, repeated messaging and harassment across different platforms, access to email or bank or social accounts, location tracking through a phone or a hidden device, or monitoring that runs through shared subscriptions, smart-home devices, or a child's phone or tablet.
It frequently overlaps with money. Watching or controlling someone's bank accounts, online banking, or day-to-day spending to limit their independence is a recognised form of economic abuse, and the Family Law Act now spells this out as a form of family violence. The common thread is not the gadget. It is one person using whatever is to hand to keep power over another.
Why it matters in a family law matter
Beyond being frightening to live with, this kind of abuse can be directly relevant to the decisions a separating couple has to make.
In parenting matters, a child's safety and wellbeing is the paramount consideration, and family violence is central to that assessment. The law also recognises that a child can be affected by family violence simply by living around it, even if it is never aimed at them. Monitoring that operates through a child's device, or that uses contact arrangements to keep track of the other parent, is part of that picture.
In property matters, the effect of family violence is now a required consideration when dividing assets. Since 10 June 2025, a court has to weigh how family violence, including economic abuse, has affected each person's contributions and their circumstances going forward. We cover that change in detail in how family violence affects a property settlement. Technology-facilitated economic abuse, such as controlling accounts or hiding assets online, can be part of what the law now asks to be taken into account.
Getting expert help, safely
If any of this is familiar, the most important message is that you do not have to work it out alone, and you should not try to fix it alone if you feel unsafe. There are services in Australia built for exactly this.
The eSafety Commissioner (esafety.gov.au) is the national online safety regulator. It has plain, practical guidance on technology-facilitated abuse as part of domestic and family violence, including help to make an online safety plan. WESNET's Safety Net Australia project runs the Women's Technology Safety and Privacy Toolkit at techsafety.org.au, which was designed specifically for people experiencing this kind of abuse. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is the national counselling and support line, available around the clock, and it points people to both of those resources as well.
Two practical points that these services stress. First, if you think a device might be monitored, it is safer to look for help on a device the other person has not had access to, such as a computer at a public library or a trusted friend's phone. Second, it can be tempting to delete an app or change every password straight away, but if someone is watching, a sudden change can tell them you know, and that can escalate things. Specialists help you plan the safest order to act. That is why the first step is advice, not action.
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on Triple Zero (000).
Where Family Dispute Resolution fits, and where safety comes first
It is worth being honest about what Family Dispute Resolution can and cannot do here. FDR is a way to reach agreement about parenting and property. It is not a safety service, and it is not always the right path where there has been family violence.
Before any mediation, the practitioner assigned to your matter screens for family violence and for any imbalance of power that would make a fair, safe conversation impossible. Where FDR is not appropriate or not safe, it does not go ahead, and the law makes room for that: a matter can move forward without mediation in defined circumstances, including where family violence is involved. Safety is assessed first, every time.
Where FDR is suitable, running it online can help, because the parties are never in the same physical room and can be kept in separate virtual spaces throughout. But that is a way of managing a process that is already considered safe to hold. It is not a substitute for the specialist safety services above, and we would always point you to them first.
If you are weighing up your options and want to understand whether mediation could work for your situation, a Free Discovery Call is a no-obligation place to ask. If safety is the immediate concern, please start with the services above.
If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, coercive control, or technology-facilitated abuse, you are not alone. If a device may be monitored, reach out from one the other person cannot access. In immediate danger, call 000. For confidential support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, the eSafety Commissioner at esafety.gov.au, or WESNET's toolkit at techsafety.org.au, and see our Get Help page for more services.
Is tracking someone's phone or location domestic violence in Australia?
It can be. Under the Family Law Act 1975, behaviour that coerces, controls, or frightens a family member is family violence, and persistent monitoring or surveillance can also amount to stalking, which the Act lists as an example. Depending on the state or territory and how it is done, secretly tracking someone may also be a criminal offence under surveillance or stalking laws. If this is happening to you, a specialist service can help you understand your options safely.
Does technology-facilitated abuse get considered in parenting or property decisions?
Yes, where it is relevant. In parenting matters, a child's safety is the paramount consideration and family violence is central to it, including a child being exposed to it. In property matters, since 10 June 2025 a court must consider the effect of family violence, including economic abuse, on each person's contributions and future circumstances. Controlling someone's accounts or assets online can form part of that.
What should I do if I think my devices are being monitored?
The safest first step is advice, not action. If you feel unsafe, do not start deleting apps or changing settings on your own, because a sudden change can alert the other person and escalate the risk. Look for help from a device they cannot access, and contact the eSafety Commissioner, WESNET's toolkit at techsafety.org.au, or 1800RESPECT. In immediate danger, call 000.
Can I use mediation if there has been family violence?
Sometimes, with safeguards, and sometimes not. The practitioner screens for family violence and power imbalance before any mediation, and where it would not be safe or appropriate, FDR does not proceed. The law allows a matter to move forward without mediation in defined situations, including those involving family violence. Safety is always assessed first.
Where can I get help with technology-facilitated abuse in Australia?
The eSafety Commissioner (esafety.gov.au) has national guidance and online safety planning. WESNET's Safety Net Australia runs the Women's Technology Safety and Privacy Toolkit at techsafety.org.au. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is the national support line, available at any hour. In immediate danger, call the police on 000.
This article is general information only and was correct to the best of our knowledge at the time of writing. It is not legal, tax, or financial advice and does not take account of your personal situation. The law changes, some measures mentioned may be proposals that are not yet in force, and fees and figures can change over time, so check anything that matters and get advice for your own circumstances from a family lawyer, an accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, or a qualified tax or financial professional before acting. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000. For confidential support with family violence or concerns about a child's safety, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.